How To Become More Self Aware [Why Your Happiness Depends On It]

Self awareness is the foundation of personal growth, emotional intelligence, and success in every area of life. In this article I break down how to become more self aware, what it means, why it’s crucial for your success and shine a light on the mental traps that block us from becoming more self aware.

Self awareness is your ability to recognize and understand your own emotions, thoughts, values, strengths, weaknesses, and motivations – and how these internal factors influence your behaviour and impact others. Think of it as having a high-definition internal camera that’s constantly recording your mental and emotional state.
But here’s where most people mess this up: they think self awareness means being able to explain why they did something after the fact. That’s not self awareness – that’s rationalization, and your brain is frighteningly good at creating convincing stories that have little to do with reality.

True self awareness happens in real-time. It’s catching yourself mid-thought and realizing, “Oh, I’m getting defensive because this criticism is hitting too close to home,” or “I’m procrastinating on this project because I’m actually afraid of failing.” It’s the difference between being a passenger in your own life and being the driver.

Psychologists typically break self awareness into two components:
Internal Self Awareness involves understanding your own values, passions, aspirations, reactions, and impact on others. It’s the inward-facing spotlight that illuminates your inner landscape.
External Self Awareness is understanding how others perceive you. It’s knowing how your behaviour, emotions, and communication style affect the people around you – and recognizing when there’s a gap between how you see yourself and how others see you.

(Eurich, T. (2017). Insight: Why We’re Not as Self-Aware as We Think, and How Seeing Ourselves Clearly Helps Us Succeed at Work and in Life)

Self awareness isn’t just some fluffy personal development concept – it’s a measurable skill that directly impacts your success, relationships, and overall life satisfaction. Research consistently shows that people with higher self awareness perform better at work, have stronger relationships, experience less stress, and make better decisions.

Career and Leadership Success
Emotionally intelligent leaders – those who understand their own emotions and can manage them effectively – are significantly more successful than their less self-aware counterparts. They’re better at reading team dynamics, making strategic decisions under pressure, and adapting their leadership style to different situations.
Companies are increasingly recognising this. Studies show that teams led by self-aware managers show improved performance, reduced turnover, and higher employee engagement. When you understand your own triggers, biases, and blind spots, you make fewer costly mistakes and create better outcomes for everyone involved.

Relationship Quality
Self awareness is the foundation of healthy relationships. When you understand your own emotional patterns, communication style, and relationship needs, you can engage with others more authentically and effectively. You stop projecting your insecurities onto others, take responsibility for your part in conflicts, and create space for genuine connection.
People with low self awareness tend to blame others for relationship problems, repeat the same destructive patterns, and struggle with intimacy because they can’t be vulnerable about their own flaws and needs.

Mental Health and Well-being
Self awareness is strongly correlated with better mental health outcomes. When you can recognize your emotional patterns, identify your stress triggers, and understand your coping mechanisms, you’re better equipped to manage anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges. It’s the difference between being hijacked by your emotions and being able to observe them, understand them, and choose how to respond. This doesn’t mean you’ll never feel negative emotions – it means you won’t be controlled by them.

Decision-Making Quality
Self-aware individuals make better decisions because they understand their own values, recognize their biases, and can honestly assess their capabilities. They’re less likely to make impulsive choices based on ego or fear and more likely to make strategic decisions aligned with their long-term goals.
(Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Matters More Than IQ)

Here’s the kicker: most people think they’re already self-aware. Studies suggest that while 95% of people believe they’re self-aware, only 10-15% actually meet the criteria. This isn’t because people are lying – it’s because our brains are wired to protect our self-image, often at the expense of accuracy.

Traditional advice tells you to “look inward” and ask yourself “why” questions: “Why did I react that way?” “Why do I always do this?” But research shows that asking “why” questions often leads to rationalization rather than genuine insight.
Your brain is an excellent storyteller, and it will happily create convincing narratives that make you feel better about your behavior while completely missing the actual reasons behind it. You might think you procrastinate because you’re a perfectionist, when the real reason is fear of judgment or lack of clarity about priorities.

We all have cognitive blind spots – areas where our self-perception doesn’t match reality. These blind spots exist because:

Confirmation bias makes us seek information that confirms what we already believe about ourselves.
The Dunning-Kruger effect means we’re often least aware of our weaknesses in areas where we’re most incompetent.
Social desirability bias influences us to see ourselves in ways that are socially acceptable rather than accurate.

Breaking through these blind spots requires intentional effort and often external feedback from trusted sources.
(Dunning, D., & Kruger, J. (1999). Unskilled and unaware of it: How difficulties in recognizing one’s own incompetence lead to inflated self-assessments)

The journey to true self-awareness isn’t always easy, but it’s undoubtedly the most rewarding path you can take for a life filled with happiness, stronger relationships, unshakeable confidence, and reduced stress. As we’ve explored, understanding what truly makes you tick – your emotions, thoughts, values, strengths, and even those sneaky blind spots – is your secret weapon for navigating life with unparalleled clarity and making decisions that truly align with your authentic self.

This isn’t just theory; it’s a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned and honed.

Want to dive even deeper into this transformative topic? Check out our latest YouTube video, ‘How To Be More Self-Aware [Why Your Happiness Depends on it]’, where I break down these concepts visually and give you even more insights.

📺 WATCH THE VIDEO NOW: How To Be More Self Aware

And this is just the beginning! Keep an eye out for Part 2 of our Self-Awareness series, where I’ll guide you through step-by-step practical strategies to actively develop and strengthen your self-awareness.
Get ready to put these insights into action and truly master the art of knowing yourself.

The clearer you become, the more powerfully you can live.