Healthy Relationships – The 7 Signs To Look For

Isn’t it funny how, in today’s society it is assumed that you ‘pick’ someone for a relationship to be your friend or partner and it should ‘just work’ with little to no effort. Yet, healthy relationships, just like anything that is valuable and worthwhile takes effort and care.

In this article, I am shining a light on 7 key signs of a healthy relationship. This post is not a scorecard that we will pass or fail, but rather a foundation on which to build and maintain our relationships.

Here’s the good news: healthy relationships aren’t unicorns. They’re real, they’re achievable, and science has actually figured out what makes them tick. Research consistently shows that being in supportive, loving relationships significantly impacts both our mental and physical health, so getting this right isn’t just about romance—it’s about your overall wellbeing.

After decades of relationship research, including the ground breaking work of psychologist John Gottman who studied thousands of couples at The Gottman Institute, we now have a pretty clear picture of what separates the couples who thrive from those who merely survive (or don’t). There are seven research-backed signs that your relationship is actually healthy—not just Instagram-worthy. While Gottman’s work focused on couples, these findings apply to friendships and family dynamics too.

This might sound obvious, but you’d be surprised how many couples forget this fundamental truth. In healthy relationships, partners genuinely enjoy each other’s company. You’re not just tolerating each other until something better comes along—you actively choose to spend time together. The Gottman Method research shows that couples need at least five positive interactions for every negative one to sustain their relationships. Think about it: if you had a friend who criticized you five times for every compliment, you’d probably stop hanging out with them. Yet somehow, we accept this imbalance in romantic relationships.

Healthy couples laugh together, share inside jokes, and look forward to each other’s company. They celebrate small wins together and don’t roll their eyes when their partner starts telling the same story for the hundredth time (okay, maybe just a little eye roll, but it’s affectionate).

The research reality check: Positive psychology research identifies relationships as one of the five core elements of wellbeing, alongside positive emotion, engagement, meaning, and accomplishments. If your relationship consistently drains rather than energizes you, that’s a red flag worth addressing.

Forget the Hollywood notion that good couples never fight. Healthy couples absolutely have disagreements—they just handle them like adults instead of like toddlers having a tantrum in the cereal aisle. Effective communication in healthy relationships involves active listening, giving your partner full attention, validating their feelings, and responding with empathy and understanding. Notice what’s not on that list? Mind reading, passive-aggressive behaviour, or the silent treatment.

In healthy relationships, both partners can express their needs clearly without feeling like they’re walking into a minefield. They use “I” statements instead of launching into character assassinations that start with “You always…” or “You never…” They also know the difference between discussing an issue and attacking a person.

The practical test: Can you tell your partner something is bothering you without them immediately getting defensive or turning it back on you? Can they do the same? If yes, congratulations—you’ve mastered relationship communication better than about 60% of couples. I also outline how to have difficult conversations in another post HERE.

Trust in healthy relationships isn’t just about fidelity (though that’s obviously important). It’s about having confidence that your partner has your back, will keep their word, and won’t throw you under the bus when things get tough. Gottman’s research on trust emphasizes that it’s essential not just for couples but for building strong communities. In practical terms, this means you don’t have to worry about your partner sharing your embarrassing stories at dinner parties or “forgetting” to mention important plans you’ve made together.

Trust also means emotional safety. You can be vulnerable without fear of it being used against you later during an argument. You can admit when you’re wrong, share your insecurities, or express unpopular opinions without worrying about judgment or retaliation.

The small moments matter: Trust is built through countless tiny actions. Did they remember to pick up your prescription? Do they follow through on plans? Do they support you in front of others? These seemingly minor behaviors are actually the foundation of deep trust.

One of the biggest myths about relationships is that you need to become one person, sharing everything and losing your individual identity in the process. Healthy relationships actually require the opposite: two whole, complete individuals choosing to build something together.

In healthy relationships, both partners maintain their own interests, friendships, and goals. You don’t need permission to grab coffee with a friend, and you don’t feel guilty for having hobbies your partner doesn’t share. You support each other’s growth, even when it means spending time apart. This doesn’t mean being distant or secretive—it means recognizing that a healthy relationship enhances your life rather than consuming it entirely. You should still be recognizable as yourself, not some watered-down version designed to keep the peace.

The friend test: If your close friends comment that they haven’t seen the “real you” since you started dating, that’s worth examining. Research shows that boundary management in relationships is positively related to satisfaction, and healthy relationships bring out your best qualities, not hide them.

Respect in healthy relationships goes far beyond basic politeness (though please, let’s not set the bar that low). It means valuing each other’s opinions, time, boundaries, and autonomy. It means not trying to change your partner into someone they’re not.

Research consistently identifies mutual respect as a fundamental sign of healthy relationships. This shows up in how you speak to each other, especially when you’re frustrated. It’s present in how you make decisions together and how you handle disagreements. Respect also means accepting that your partner is a separate human being with their own valid perspectives, even when those perspectives differ from yours. It means not dismissing their concerns as “overreacting” or trying to logic them out of their feelings.

The disagreement test: How do you both behave when you disagree about something important? Do you listen to understand, or do you listen to win? Healthy couples can disagree respectfully and sometimes agree to disagree without it being a relationship-ending event.

Let’s talk about intimacy—and no, we’re not just talking about sex, though that’s certainly part of it. Research shows that couples who engage in frequent physical affection like hugging, kissing, and cuddling tend to be happier and more satisfied with their relationships.

But intimacy goes beyond physical touch. It’s about emotional closeness, sharing your inner world with someone who genuinely cares. It’s pillow talk, inside jokes, and the comfort of just being yourselves together. It’s knowing you have someone who truly sees you and loves what they see. In healthy relationships, intimacy feels natural, not forced. Both partners feel comfortable initiating affection and also saying when they’re not in the mood without it becoming a federal case.

The comfort zone: You should feel physically and emotionally safe with your partner. If you find yourself constantly anxious about their reactions or walking on eggshells, that’s not intimacy—that’s survival mode.

One of the clearest signs of a strong relationship is that your partner isn’t just there for the hard times—they’re also your go-to person for sharing your wins. When something great happens, is your partner the first person you want to tell? Do they genuinely celebrate your successes, or do they somehow make it about them?

Healthy couples operate as a team. They support each other’s goals, celebrate each other’s achievements, and provide comfort during setbacks. They don’t compete with each other or keep score of who’s “winning” at life. This means being genuinely happy when your partner succeeds, even if you’re going through a rough patch yourself. It means offering encouragement when they’re facing challenges and not saying “I told you so” when things don’t go as planned.

The success test: When you share good news with your partner, do they respond with enthusiasm and ask questions, or do they immediately redirect the conversation to themselves or find reasons why it’s not that great? Their response tells you everything you need to know about whether they’re truly in your corner.

Here’s what the research really tells us: individuals in supportive, loving relationships are significantly less likely to experience mental health issues, while relationship conflicts and instability can severely impact our wellbeing. This isn’t just about romance—it’s about your mental health, physical health, and overall quality of life.

Healthy relationships aren’t characterized by the absence of problems—they’re characterized by how couples handle problems together. They’re not perfect, but they’re intentional. Both partners are committed to growing individually and together, communicating openly, and treating each other with kindness and respect.

If you’re reading this and thinking your relationship hits most of these marks, congratulations—you’re in the minority of couples who have figured out this whole love thing. If you’re realizing some areas need work, that’s actually great news too. The Gottman Method and other research-based approaches have given us tools to build and maintain healthy relationships, which means these skills can be learned and improved.

The most important thing to remember? You deserve a relationship that enhances your life rather than complicating it. You deserve someone who likes you as much as they love you, who supports your dreams, and who makes you feel like the best version of yourself. Don’t settle for less just because “relationships are hard.” Yes, they require effort, but they shouldn’t be a constant struggle.

Choose partners and people who make your life better, and be the kind of person who does the same for them.