You’re sitting there wondering if the person you’re with is a long term relationship or “the one” or if you’re just wasting precious time with someone who’ll ghost you in the near future. The good news? Science has your back. The bad news? There’s no magical quiz that’ll tell you whether to keep dating or start swiping again.
Armed with the latest research from Australia and the United States, you can at least make an informed decision about whether your current situation has actual long-term potential or if you’re just really good at ignoring red flags.
What Research Actually Says About Long Term Relationships/Commitment
Before we dive into the signs, let’s address the elephant in the room: 79% of Australians have faced relationship pressures in the past six months, according to Relationships Australia’s 2024 research. So if you’re feeling the strain, you’re not alone. Also, you might want to stop blaming yourself for every relationship hiccup.
In the United States, the picture is equally interesting. Research shows that 71% of singles are actively seeking long-term relationships, which means most people aren’t actually playing games (despite what your dating app experience might suggest). The average relationship lasts about 2 years and 9 months before ending, so if you’ve made it past that point, congratulations—you’ve beaten the odds.
But here’s the kicker: making it past the average doesn’t automatically mean you’re in it for the long haul. It just means you haven’t broken up yet. Comforting, right?
Sign #1: You’re Both Actually Committed (Not Just Going Through the Motions)
This seems obvious, but stay with me. Recent research published in the European Journal of Social Psychology found something surprising: differing commitment levels between partners might not doom your relationship like everyone thinks. However—and this is important—there’s a difference between “different speeds of commitment” and “one person is all in while the other has Tinder still installed.”
Real commitment shows up in specific ways. According to research from the University of Illinois, what matters isn’t just your commitment behaviours, but whether you accurately perceive your partner’s commitment behaviors. In other words, if you think they’re committed but they’re actually planning their exit strategy, that’s a problem. If you’re both committed but express it differently, you’re probably fine.
What does committed behaviour actually look like? The research identifies five key categories:
- Positivity: They don’t just tolerate you; they genuinely enjoy being around you
- Openness: They actually tell you things instead of making you play detective
- Assurances: They verbally confirm they’re in this for real
- Use of social networks: Your friends know about them (and vice versa)
- Sharing tasks: They help with the boring stuff, not just the fun date nights
If your partner is checking these boxes, they’re probably not just killing time until someone better comes along.
Sign #2: What Your Text Messages Reveal About Long Term Relationships
Here’s where it gets modern and slightly creepy. Google’s 2024 search data revealed that “when should a relationship become exclusive” was the number one relationship question Americans asked. Clearly, we’re all equally confused about when casual becomes serious.
But your text messages might hold the answer. Research shows that communication patterns in your texts correlate with relationship commitment, emotional investment, and long-term compatibility. Signs that your digital communication is on point include:
- Consistent communication (not just when they’re bored at 11 PM)
- Future planning in casual conversation
- Emotional exclusivity (they’re sharing feelings, not just memes)
- You’re integrated into each other’s social lives through messages
- Deep conversations happen via text, not just logistics
If your text thread looks like two people genuinely interested in each other’s lives rather than a sporadic exchange of “wyd” messages, that’s actually meaningful. Who knew?
Sign #3: The Relationship Survives Past the Honeymoon Phase
According to 10-year longitudinal research following 368 couples, relationship satisfaction trajectories vary significantly. Some couples maintain high satisfaction throughout, while others experience natural dips and recoveries. The key finding? High-quality relationships enable people to flourish over the long term, but only if both partners are willing to navigate the inevitable rough patches.
The research on commitment stages shows that men (and let’s be real, probably women too) go through three distinct phases before truly committing:
- Limerence: The “I can’t stop thinking about you” phase (usually lasts a few months)
- Conflict and trust-building: The “oh, you’re actually human with flaws” phase (first couple of years)
- True commitment: The “I choose you even when you’re annoying” phase
If you’re still together after pushing through stage two, and you’re both actively working on deepening the relationship rather than just coasting, you might have something real.
Sign #4: You Share Values and Life Goals (Not Just a Netflix Password)
Ground breaking news: similarity in shared values and goals is the best predictor of long-term compatibility and less conflict. I know, shocking that two people who want completely different things might struggle to build a life together.
This doesn’t mean you need to agree on everything. It means the big stuff—life goals, core values, how you handle conflict, views on family, financial priorities—should be reasonably aligned. If you want kids and they’d rather eat glass than change a diaper, that’s probably going to be an issue. If you value honesty above all else and they think white lies are just good manners, you’re going to have some fights.
Research also shows that trust and commitment form the foundations of relationship stability and mutual support. So if you don’t trust them to feed your cat while you’re away, maybe don’t start planning your retirement together.
Sign #5: You’ve Met Each Other’s Important People
Psychology research confirms what your grandmother already told you: if someone is serious about you, they’ll integrate you into their life. That means meeting friends, family, co-workers—the people who matter to them.
Consistent efforts to prioritize the relationship, such as introducing each other to important aspects of their lives, indicate genuine commitment. If six months in, you still haven’t met a single person from their life, and they treat you like a CIA operative when you’re together in public, that’s not mysterious—it’s suspicious.
Conversely, if they’re bringing you to family gatherings, including you in friend hangouts, and generally acting like you’re a permanent fixture rather than a temporary installation, that’s a green flag the size of a small country. That’s what builds and maintains healthy, long term relationships.
Sign #6: They Make Sacrifices (And So Do You)
Research on commitment reveals that sacrifice functions as a strong behavioural signal of commitment between partners. Not the dramatic “I’ll die for you” sacrifices (hopefully), but the everyday “I’ll watch your terrible reality show” kind.
The key is that sacrifice should be mutual and feel like a choice, not a martyrdom. If you’re constantly giving up things that matter to you while they never budge on anything, that’s not sacrifice—that’s self-destruction. But if both of you are willing to compromise, adjust schedules, and occasionally do things you wouldn’t normally do because it matters to your partner, that’s healthy commitment in action that builds long term relationships.
Acts of sacrifice stand out from day-to-day behaviours precisely because they’re not based in self-interest. They signal that you value the relationship more than always getting your way. Shocking, I know.
Sign #7: You Can Actually Talk About the Relationship
Here’s where many relationships fall apart: the inability to have honest conversations about where things are going. The Institute for Family Studies notes that emerging adults are increasingly engaging in “just talking” relationships that delay commitment clarification and create ambiguity.
If you can’t ask “where is this going?” without feeling like you’re defusing a bomb, that’s a problem. Research consistently shows that honest communication about goals, values, and expectations for the future is foundational to successful long term relationships. If your partner shuts down every time you try to discuss the future, they might not see you in it.
The good news? 91% of couples have agreements to remain romantically and sexually exclusive, even though only 43% had an explicit conversation about it. So while “the talk” is uncomfortable, most people do eventually have it—and survive.
Sign #8: Your Relationship Has Material Constraints (In a Good Way)
This one sounds unromantic, but research on dating relationship stability shows that material constraints—things like signing a lease together, having a pet, owning items together, or making future vacation plans—actually predict relationship continuance.
Before you panic, this doesn’t mean you should immediately move in together and adopt three cats. It means that as relationships progress naturally, couples create shared commitments and investments that signal long-term thinking. If you’ve been together for two years and still haven’t so much as bought a houseplant together, that might indicate someone is keeping one foot out the door.
Sign #9: The Relationship Maintenance Actually Happens
The University of Illinois research on relationship maintenance found that it’s not just about doing maintenance behaviors—it’s about accurately perceiving when your partner is doing them. Higher levels of satisfaction led to more positive assessments of partner behavior, which strengthened commitment.
Translation: if you’re both putting in effort to maintain the relationship, and you both notice and appreciate that effort, you’re in good shape. If one person is doing all the work while the other coasts along oblivious, that’s unsustainable.
Relationship maintenance includes:
- Regular quality time together
- Appreciation and gratitude
- Managing conflicts constructively
- Continuing to date each other (not just coexist)
- Supporting each other’s individual growth
- Actually listening when the other person talks
If these things are happening consistently, you’re probably looking at long-term potential.
Sign #10: You’re Not Constantly Monitoring Alternatives
Research shows that healthy, committed relationships involve low levels of alternative monitoring. If you or your partner are constantly comparing your relationship to other options—whether that’s exes, dating apps, or the idealized relationships you see on Instagram—that’s a red flag.
Studies on commitment regulation show that people actively manage their perception of alternatives based on their commitment level. Highly committed people downplay attractive alternatives. Less committed people do the opposite.
If you find yourself constantly thinking “I wonder if I could do better,” or if your partner seems perpetually dissatisfied despite you being objectively great, that’s your answer. Long-term relationships require choosing your partner repeatedly, not keeping them on trial indefinitely while you browse for upgrades.
The Bottom Line: Trust Your Gut (But Also Pay Attention to Data)
Look, no amount of research can tell you definitively whether your specific relationship will last. The 2024 Relationships Australia research shows that relationships are complex, influenced by everything from cost-of-living pressures to mental health to external social factors.
But what the research does tell us is this: long-term relationship success requires mutual commitment, aligned values, consistent effort, honest communication, and the willingness to navigate challenges together. It requires both partners choosing each other, not just once in a romantic moment, but repeatedly through the boring, difficult, and mundane moments.
If you’re reading this article because you’re genuinely unsure about your relationship, that uncertainty itself might be your answer. People in solid, long-term-potential relationships usually know it. They might have doubts about specific issues or worry about the future, but they don’t fundamentally question whether their partner is invested.
So ask yourself: Are the signs there? Is the effort mutual? Do you feel like you’re building something together, or are you just hanging out until something better comes along?
Because here’s the thing that research can’t quantify: you deserve someone who’s sure about you. Not someone who needs a PhD in relationship science to decide if you’re worth their time.
And if you’re the one who’s unsure? That’s okay too. Not every relationship needs to be forever. Sometimes good relationships end because they’ve run their course, and that’s better than staying in something mediocre because you’re afraid of being alone.
The research gives you a framework. Your gut gives you the answer. Use both wisely.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go text my partner something more meaningful than a meme, because apparently that matters.
